Grief and loss in it’s many forms, meets us all on the road at some point in our lives. It can take us totally out of the familiar, it can feel like we are being hollowed out. In such times the very core of our being cries out in pain. Indeed, it is so intense that, as the pioneering British psychiatrist Henry Maudsley says “The sorrow which has no vent in tears may make other organs weep.” In such times it is not words, but a tender loving embrace or hand on our shoulder that can mean the most.
.When we speak of grief and loss so often it is in relation to the passing of those we hold dear. However, there are also many other ways we can experience it. It can come with being diagnosed with an illness, having a serious accident, the ending of a loved relationship, losing a beloved pet and can also be experienced in the loss of the vigour of youth. Over the years and particularly in this last recession in Ireland, I have also seen it in the bloodshot eyes of people who have lost their jobs, lost their homes, lost their businesses, in essence have lost their dreams and all that they held certain. Here in Ireland, as politicians loudly hail economic ‘recovery’ I know, that all across the country, the wounds and scars of such grief and loss in so many people’s lives and minds and hearts, will take far longer, if ever, to recover.
In my own, and I know in many other people’s lives, tears have a healing place and so must be given room to be expressed. As the great writer William Shakespeare tells us; “To weep is to make less the depth of grief” For, it is in the shedding of our tears, the expressing of these feelings, and in the acknowledgment of the myriad of emotions that grief and loss evoke in us, that we can in time live once again in wholeness of self.
We each experience grief and loss in our own unique way. We may identify with the deep feelings of bewilderment that it can bring to another and, as such, can reach out with a deep empathy. However, we cannot ever really know the inner depth of feelings this creates in another.
Each day I am consciously aware that my own experiences of grief and loss, through illness of loved ones, the passing of loved ones, through losing something sentimental and through having to move on from something in which much time and energy was invested, has played a big part in shaping me into who I am today. For such experiences are directly connected to the Conscious Living Talks and Workshops that I now choose to do and share with others.
These last years I have met people who feel broken in mind, in heart, in body and in spirit. I share their experiences with them through the eyes and heart of my own life experiences with a heartfelt intuitive understanding. I connect to and touch the depths of their grief and loss through holding the space with them with conscious love and compassion.
To often we can try and be too strong in our grief and loss. We may feel that to cry and let our feelings spill out would be losing control, or upset others, or even prolong such emotions and feelings. We may even try to reason with our grief and loss and be afraid to feel angry and disillusioned. In such times we need a safe place and way in which to express our pain. Sometimes, to bury grief and loss people can turn to things that they feel will help them escape the pain, but this never works. Because as I well know, in time, if we are to move through grief and loss and move on with our lives, we need to find within us a place of acceptance and emerge with a new peace and oneness with ourselves and with life. For from this place within us we can reach out to each other and meet in oneness of our common humanity, heart and soul.
Next Conscious Living Workshop 27th February, Cork, Ireland.
Bernadette Phillips is Founder of NEW INSIGHTS FOR CHANGE and an Intuitive Coach, Social Scientist, Motivational Speaker, Conscious Educator, Social Entrepreneur, Poet and Writer, with over thirty years experience working with and in, Community, Business, Leadership and Education.